baba o'riley

last week, i went to the first of this summer's twilight concert series. it was all very impressive. from the flannel shirts to the crystal spiders to the solitary blonde effectively blocking the view of a whole wad of people by standing on a chair and trying to nonchalantly see who was looking at her (answer: all the people who can't see the stage because you're standing on a chair. that's who's looking at you).
by far the most impressive part of the whole thing was jenny lewis, whose voice is much more powerful than rilo kiley ever led me to believe.

i like music (possibly the most daring opinion anyone has ever posted on any website ever)(i'm a maverick) but having as many audiophile friends as i do, i don't feel i can claim anything more than that. as it is i'm worried i might have to prove my likeage through a series of trivia questions and karaoke challenges.

please. never put me through that kind of mental torture.

the other day, one of the little candy packaging balls of angst came into my office to brag about the class he'll be taking during his first semester of college.
"history of rock and roll".
now i know and you know this class is not going to be what he thinks it's going to be (coughcougheasyAcough) and that's okay. but you know what's not okay? the blank expression on his face when i jokingly offered to lend him some cds (the specific cds aren't important (coughcoughzeppelincough)). you know what else was not okay? his long pause and his earnest response, "um... no thanks. i'm pretty sure this class is basically going to be about, like, elvis."
this was the moment my new project (read: "new mix cd" (read: "rock 101: know it, don't blow it")) was born. a compilation of rock songs i really, just... like.

here's the question:
what's the first song you would think of to include in your own "know it, don't blow it" mix?

mine was the beatles "helter skelter".
i don't know why.

the thing i like best about gardening is that when i talk to people about it, i get to use the word "literally" a lot.
as in
"yep, i have a garden, so i get to literally enjoy the fruits of my labor."

because i'm growing strawberries.

BAM!

get it? ... it's fruit.

thank you for listening.

man, the weirdest thing happened last night.
i was hanging a clock on my bathroom wall when i slipped, fell and hit my head. when i came to i saw this...

i only wish i knew what it meant.

some lesser known rules of human nature...

1. my friends and i will never be able to finish a plate of baked goods because nobody wants to be the person who takes the last piece. we will however break the last piece in infinite halves.
this is a real life example of zeno's dichotomy paradox.

2. in any given dvd commentary the word "genius" will be used 32 times.

3. a person's moderation, patience, and (let's face it) basic decency diminishes sharply the moment they stop communicating with someone face-to-face, ergo an otherwise normal person has a high chance of being mean and crazy via phone. here, i've graphed it out...


my first job was as a telemarketer and i wanted to quit after the first fifteen minutes.
but i didn't.
i quit after 4 hours.
which is why i have this sympathy for the telemarketers of the world. i have no problem sitting through their speech and required three attempts, and usually when i do they are so filled with relief they start making small talk. today, after i updated our company address info for one of our free magazine subscription!s i had the following conversation...

telemarketer: what is your name?
me: kat
telemarketer: and what is your job title?
me: designer
telemarketer: really? i want to be a designer. i'm trying so hard.
me: right on. keep trying cuz it's totally worth it.
telemarketer: what city are you in?
me: salt lake city
telemarketer: would it surprise you to know that i am calling you from india?
me: no.
telemarketer: really?
me: really. what city?
telemarketer: new delhi
me: awesome.
telemarketer: yes, i am trying to be a designer but i was rejected from the local school-[life story]-free lance work.
me: ...[awestruck]... dude... that's rough.
telemarketer: have a nice day!

4. people always suck in their stomach the moment right before they walk in front of a mirror or large glass window.


ya, i'm totally making this up as i go along. additions?

to: the month of may

the other day i went to chevron for a diet coke and my chevron boyfriend was all, "i haven't seen you for a while." and i was all, "ya, i know." and then he was all "where have you been?" and i was all, "i don't know... busy?"

so there you go, month of may. i've been busy.
disinterested, non caffeinated, and busy.

supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting...
and busy.

gardening

i spent most of saturday "gardening" and i type the word "gardening" in somewhat sarcastic quotation marks because for all i know i'm cultivating a wasteland. however i fully enjoyed myself, what with the novelty and the feeling that i was playing some sort of trivia game with mother nature. a three part game, actually...

part I: weed or plant?
the winner was, er, not always me. there's an incident with 40 year old geraniums/chrysanthimums i cannot at this time relate.

part II or deux: taking a break or taking a nap?
either way i won. unless it was a competition between me and ziggy because then he won. unless the competition was to see who could lay in the sun and not get sunburned because then i won.

part III: is that a bug?? is that a bug??
all i know is it's the neighbor's problem now.


p.s. in the "suggested friends" portion of facebook i have to keep rejecting "jesus" and i'm starting to feel guilty about it.

pirates

i'm completely addicted to pirate news. can't get enough of it.
let's explore why...

first, i've never understood what navy seals do. i knew they existed. i assumed they did stuff, but i never heard about the stuff they were doing and i'm not going to lie to you- the silence scares me. hearing about their awesome captain-rescuing skills comforted me a little bit although it did little to nothing to diminish the image i have of demi moore shaving her head in "g.i. jane".

second, it totally made me laugh when the pirates were all, "why would you kill us? we are OUTRAGED that you would kill three of the men who kidnapped and held that ship captain for ransom and tried to take away food and aid you were sending to our starving countrymen. OUTRAGED! what did we ever do to you?? well. now we're going to have to crack down. you've forced us to. this is all your fault really. from now on, when we attack an unarmed vessel, we're going to kill everyone. because fair is fair."

which, by the way, third, why are these food/aid vessels still floating around unarmed? dude. america loves guns. we love them. i watched this "60 minutes" report on sunday about it and we love our guns automatic and unregulated. so when we send food aid through pirate infested waters during a time when pirates have vowed to avenge the deaths of their innocent comrades who were just holding that guy captive until they got their millions of dollars, why are we not arming the boat with a navy seal? or at the very least coconut bombs.
or a pit with a tiger in it?

ya, fourth, my idea of pirates has been shaped by a childhood spent watching "swiss family robinson".


not to say this situation isn't serious, but with everything else in the news that i will never be able to understand because the economy makes no sense and north korea is confusing and a "tea party" is the lamest thing to call a protest ever unless you're actually protesting a tax on tea by dumping it into a harbor (which was very rock and roll), pirates PIRATES should be an easy win. when it comes to a show of force and an ocean full of potential collateral damage... isn't that what we're supposed to be good at?

my goal for the month of march was to figure out the difference between "affect" and "effect".
i thought i knew.
but turns out i did not.
so i put it to you on this the night of march 30th...

dear smart people,
why is it wrong for me to say that something "effect"ed me? why?
i just want to be more like you.
thanks ever so,
kat

today i saw a preview for "knowing"

let it be known.
there is only one movie ONE! that nicolas cage has been bearable in...



... and that's basically because moonstruck's awesomeness eclipses the cage's weirdness.

so i ask you... HOW is he still making movies? who is his fan base? WHO?
i demand an answer.

will power

i react to stress in two very cliched ways.


can you guess what the first way is?


whoa, my lack of self restraint could really get me into trouble. it's a good thing i don't work at a chocolate factory.

... wait.